24

Hoo boy. 24 does TV right!

This episode begins where last week's shocking episode ended when Jack actually failed epically at a task. I've come to expect a certain level of success from our hero, especially when he's asked to do something directly by the President, so I wasn't expecting Hassan to be killed. But killed he was and along with him all hope of a Middle East Peace Accord. Or is it?

Seems Madame President has a trick up her sleeve. She wants Hassan's widow to be the new leader of whatever made up country she's from, have her sign the Accord and everyone's happy, right? Wrong! Seems there was another party at the negotiating table which was a shock to me since they had not even been hinted at until last week. The Russian ambassador must also sign off on the treaty for it to have any real power but he doesn't want to. He says it's because he won't recognize Hassan's widow as the legitimate leader of Islamistan (whatever) but we know the real reason.

The real reason? He's Russian. If you are a Russian on 24 you are automatically a bad guy and sure enough we learn those evil Russians were behind the plot to kill Hassan. They planned everything and the plan worked to perfection with Hassan dead and all the assassins killed by Bauer's team except for one. Not a problem, just need to slip a Russian guy in to the building where the CTU team is and poison the last guy with a little poison to the neck and Voila! The perfect plot to destabilize the MidEast reaches fruition with the Americans none the wiser. Almost.

You know what they say about the best laid planes, right? This one is no exception as the Russian assassin tasked with killing the last Muslim assassin that survived the CTU assault is seen by probably the only person in Washington who could recognize him. Who is that person? Why none other than Renee Walker. She doesn't put it together at first, after all it looks like that last Muslim will survive and she's got other things on her mind, namely Jack's sweet lovin'.

Jack and Renee hightail it to his apartment for a little afternoon delight and we finally get the answer to the question, how long does Jack make love to his women. Answer? About two acts. Pretty respectable and not a Viagra (or condom) in sight. After they finish making the beast with two backs, Jack gets up for some water (gotta stay hydrated) and while he's away his phone rings. Renee yells at Jack that it's Chloe and Jack tells her not to answer it. I'm sure I don't need to remind any of you if you do not EXPLICITLY OBEY Jack EVERYTIME he tells you to do something, you die. That's the rule. But poor Renee, not knowing she is sealing her own fate, answers the phone.

Chloe tells Renee that she has been put in charge of CTU (Yeah Chloe! You go girl!) and the last terrorist has just died from poisoning. Renee puts two and two together, remembers the Russian she saw at the CTU attack site and tells Chloe to get her files assembled so she can ID the guy. The she runs into the other room to tell Jack and that's when it happens. If you'll recall a few episodes ago I predicted that because Jack was developing feelings for Renee, she would surely get kidnapped, tortured, raped, and beheaded. Well I was wrong. She gets taken out by a high powered sniper rifle from the next building. I am neither a prophet nor the son of a prophet. Despite Jack's heroic effort to save her, Renee is lost to us forever and gets the highest honor any fallen 24 character can receive, the silent final countdown. RIP Renee Walker.

In other news, in order to get the Russians back to the bargaining table, Madame President has to take a desperate measure and we are introduced to a familiar face, President Logan! All of President Taylor's hopes for salvaging the Peace process is in the hands of a man so evil he assassinated an ex-President and was stabbed in the neck by his own wife. I'm betting this doesn't end well but we'll see.

24

Back for another hour in Jack's world! But this time all bets are off! That's right, with the announcement that this is the final season ever of 24 literally anything can happen. I remember how amazed I was way back in the first season that they killed his wife, (hero's wives are not supposed to die!) now who knows what will happen. Maybe his daughter will finally get eaten by that mountain lion. Maybe Tony will come back and die again. Maybe Chloe will smile. It's all on the table.

First off, let me just say how glad I am that the whole Dana Walsh sub-plot is going somewhere. Last episode we saw her kill Bill Prady and stuff him in a wall then call the bad guys and give them intel. Sure this is the upteenth time that CTU has had a mole (who is in charge of screening these people?) but at least there is a reason for her to be on the show. (I was just fast-forwarding through her scenes to get to the commercials!) Throughout the episode she is funneling info to the terrorists, knocking out satellites and generally making Jack and Chloe's day miserable. But enough about her, lets move on the star of the show.

When last we left our hero he had been gunned down while trying to draw the fire of the bad guys so Cole can get word to CTU about where the bomb is. He takes three to the chest and is defenseless on the street when Renee Walker shows up and takes out the last bad guy. Renee runs to Jack who looks dead but is really OK. We are told Jack was saved by his bullet proof vest but we know the truth. Jack is bullet-proof. Vests are for wussies.

With the scene locked down and the authorities on-site Jack gets a phone call from the President. How exciting! She wants Jack to oversee President Hassan's transport from the UN to the White House. Sure Jack's on the trail of a Nuclear bomb that could take out half of Manhatten but lets pull him off that and put him on a menial job that any one of a thousand Secret Service or Military personnel could do. That seems smart. But it's the President so what are you gonna do. Jack agrees and tells Renee what's going on and they share a little moment. Seems Jack really likes her. Look for her to kidnapped, tortured, raped and beheaded before the end of the season. I'm saying Jack's love interests don't do very well.

In the meantime, the bad guys call the Prez and give her the 411. Either turn over Hassan or the bomb goes blooey. Of course President Taylor isn't having any of that but some on her cabinet don't think that's the wisest move. In fact two members on her staff take it upon themselves to go behind her back and stage a kidnapping. That way they can turn over Hassan, remove the bomb threat, and the President can say that she didn't know anything. Just one problem with that, remember who was put in charge of the transport? That's right, Mr. Bauer himself. When General Brocker learns that Jack is heading up the detail he utters what will go down in history as the dumbest thing any character in the 24 universe has ever said. "He's going up against and elite team with the power of surprise. Bauer and his team doesn't stand a chance." Go back and read that again. Where has this guy been for the past 8 seasons?

Brocker and Weiss are downloading the relevant details from Ethan Hunt's laptop when Ethan walks in. He figures out what's going on and calls Jack but before he can say anything Brocker takes the phone but the damage is done. (How cool is it to have Jack Bauer on speeddial?) This one phone call combined with Jack's inability to get back in touch with Ethan makes his spidey-sense tingle. He turns his convoy of people around just as that elite team starts firing. Long story short, Jack goes all Jack Bauer on them and pretty much single-handedly takes out that "elite team" with "the power of surprise". Stupid General. He manages to leave one alive to learn who is responsible for this attack against the person of Jack Bauer and Friends and now I wouldn't want to be in Brocker or Weiss' shoes for all the cattle in Texas.

Finally we cut to guy with the bomb who sets it to explode in 15 minutes. Even though it is across town I have no doubt that Jack will get there in time to disarm it. Either that or Chloe will handle the situation with her humorless deadpan leet hacking skillz.

What did you think of the episode? Let me know in the comments!